21 Nightmare Tinder Tales That Will Hold You Up At Evening

“I sat in his car while he spent an hour crying.”

We keep hearing so many stories about how people met the love of their life on Tinder, and then there are stories like these.

True horror stories of dating and love gone totally wrong. This is the stuff of relationship nightmares.

We guarantee you’ll want to cancel dating forever after reading these awful Tinder tales…

1. Prisoner of love

I asked how long he’d been on Tinder for. He said just two weeks, which I thought was cute until he followed it up with “We don’t really have the internet in prison and Tinder wasn’t really a big thing before I went in.” Wot.

Worst date ever. This guy I’d chatted to on Tinder picked me up in his car for our date. I said “Hi, how are you?” And the FIRST thing he says to me is “Geez, why to girls always feel like they have to slam the car door?” I meekly apologized and off we went… to the worst, most harshly lit Vietnamese joint ever. Seriously, it felt like a dank hole in the wall with clinically bright fluorescent lighting and people shoveling food into their mouth as fast as they could. He must have taken his cue from this, as he wolfed down his food so quickly we were done in 30 minutes. By this time it’s barely 8pm and he suggests we go. But first, because it hasn’t been awkward enough, he tells me he needs to go food shopping before he drops me home. I spent longer following him around the grocery store than I did on our actual dinner date.

You wanna know what’s worse than an unsolicited dick pic? An unsolicited dick pic where the dude is holding a measuring tape next to his member and you can see a young child reflected in the mirror in front of him.

After a fairly normal dinner, he asked if I wanted to go out for dessert. I said yes, because dessert, right?! After I’d ordered a triple chocolate fudge Sunday, I turned to him and asked what he wanted. “Oh no,” he says, “I can’t eat that stuff. It’s not a cheat day.” Wishing he had told me this before we’d gone to have dessert, I took my over-the-top sugar creation and felt like a fat ass knowing he was just gonna watch me eat it. Just before I take my first spoonful, he snatches the sundae away from me, pulls it up close to his face and gives it a big, long, deep sniff. “Ahhhhhhhh!” he says in a satisfied almost creepily post-orgasmic way, “I’m good now!” and passes it back to me. I have never wanted to eat ice-cream less.

That time my Tinder date was arrested for shoplifting after we’d been walking around a night market and I was held for questioning as a potential witness.

Have you ever had to hold a complete stranger while they were full-on heave-sobbing about how they’re sorry they’re not the date you were hoping for? Because I have. I don’t know what happened. We were talking about our interests and all of a sudden he’s fetal position in my arms and I’m feeling his snot seep into my shirt.

How soon is too soon to meet the parents? I would probably say a first date. Especially when that first date was a blind date off Tinder. He invited me over to his house for dinner, completely leaving out the fact that he lived with his parents and I was actually coming to family Sunday roast with his parents and grandparents. Grandma asked me if I thought my date was “The One”. I didn’t have the heart to tell them we literally just met. He then asked if I wanted to sleepover. Ah… no.

We were sitting on his balcony having drinks when all of a sudden there’s a pounding on the door. I know it’s probably super bad when he shrinks into his chair and doesn’t make a move to answer it. Then we hear, “I fucking know you’re home. Let me in you piece of shit. Are you with her?” I look at him, eyes wide as he sheepishly explains his ex is a bit unstable and refuses to believe they’ve broken up. After five minutes the knocking stops. Less than a minute later the shouting starts up again, except this time it’s coming from the fence in front of us. Then she climbs over the fence still screaming at him, climbs up the drainpipe and over onto the balcony. I sit there in silence as they have a full on domestic. I go to leave, and then he yells at me telling me to sit down because the ex would be leaving immediately. Then he shouts at the ex for upsetting me. I ended up being stuck there for an hour because they were blocking the door and unlike her, I didn’t have balcony climbing skills.

He got food poisoning. At my house. He was in the bathroom exploding from both ends for hours. And then he snuck out without cleaning up any of his mess.

I dated this girl a while back and her dad hated me, which is odd because parents usually love me. Her parents ended up getting divorced and we split up. Fast forward about two years later and I am dating this amazing girl from Tinder. She asks me to meet her mum and her stepdad and I am over the moon as it turns out we are both huge Kansas City Chiefs fans. Well fuck me if it wasn’t the same asshole father as my ex-girlfriend.

My buddy isn’t the smartest guy. He picked up a Tinder date and they arranged to go to a motel because it was safer than going to either person’s house for a hookup. As they were walking into the room, the girl goes “Oh shit, I forgot my purse, mind if I go back and grab it?” He says sure and tosses her his keys. Five minutes later he wonders what’s taking her so long and goes outside and his car is gone. The cops found it a week later but they never caught her.

A guy I met on Tinder and I got a bit drunk in a bar and proceeded to heavily make out against a wall in a back alley. All of a sudden my leg feels wet. He was so drunk he was peeing on me. Peeing on me. I deleted all my dating apps after a long shower and swore to never drink again.

I was on a third date with a guy I met on Tinder. The date was ending and I wasn’t really feeling it and was gearing up to be an adult and explain to him that I wasn’t interested in seeing him again and he gets a call. His grandma died. I sat in his car while he spent an hour on the phone with his mom crying.

I wondered why my date seemed to be rushing everything during dinner. After about an hour I got my answer when his second date showed up. He’d organized to meet another Tinder date for dessert.

My bestie went out with this guy to get coffee one afternoon. By the time it was dark they were still talking, laughing and having a great time and he suggested they go for a walk. They walk along the main street and he turns into a park. She says she has to head back soon but he just keeps saying, “A little further, just a little further…” She feels really awkward but is still going along with it until the moment he turns off the path and starts off in a direction that isn’t an actual trail, just right into the woods. Thank god she had the guts to stand her ground and tell him she was leaving with or without him. I mean, he might have had innocent intentions and just not realized how creepy he was being… or you know, they might have found a dead body in the woods the next day. 

I met this guy on Tinder and we went back to my house for sexy times. It was a one night stand so we don’t see each other again. A few weeks later my flatmate notices our shed door is open, and goes in there to find the guy passed out on a pile of rags. Turns out he’d seen the shed when he was over and had been using it to sleep in and take drugs. We called the cops and it turns out there was a warrant out for his arrest.

I started seeing this girl from a dating app and things seemed to be going well but she’d always make these “jokes” about how she wanted to murder me whenever I did something that annoyed her. Ordinarily I wouldn’t be bothered but she kept doing it:  “OMG I’ll kill you if you don’t do it!” “My mom makes me want to murder her sometimes.” She then told me she keeps a knife in her bedside table and has a shotgun in her room. I broke it off with her and she went mental, showing up at my work, at my house, banging on my windows at night. I don’t really think that murder thing was a joke anymore.

I went over to this guy’s house for what I thought was a date. Turns out he wanted me to babysit his autistic child while he got high and played Xbox. I should have left but I was worried what would happen to the kid if I did.

This guy I started seeing on Tinder spent our whole date mansplaining to me how women’s brains were smaller than men’s and how we are naturally inferior. But that was okay according to him, because that’s why we were biologically attracted to men, so we had someone to take care of us. Yeah bye, boy. You’re single for a reason.

Waking up in a strange man’s house post drunken Tinder date is pretty bad. You know what’s worse? Stepping on a used syringe on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

One guy didn’t even make it to a date when his first words to me were “You look like you have a vagina that needs a good licking.” Well you look like a guy I am never fucking talking to again!

Featured image via unsplash.com. Gifs via giphy.com.

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Join the discussion: Can you do better/worse? What’s your most horrific Tinder story?